The sex talk
I was listening to Alisa Childers’ latest podcast, and she had a very practical, awkward topic she was addressing with Elizabeth Urbanowicz (she also has a fantastic book on this topic!) – how to talk to your kids about everything related to sex. I would highly recommend listening to it if you haven’t had “The Talk” with your children. And even if you have, it’s definitely still good to listen.
Urbanowicz had a lot of great suggestions on what to talk about and even had some specific talking points to address in what could be a very awkward parenting moment. Something to remember is that it’s only awkward for parents (or maybe it’s just me!), but thankfully our kids are generally not embarrassed. They may think it’s weird or gross, but if you’ve gotten to them first, it’s not awkward.
God’s Design for Sex series
As I was listening to the podcast, I was reminded of a great series of books that we used to talk to our kids about sex – God’s Design for Sex. The books allowed us to simply read through the topic shoulder to shoulder, which I found much easier to do than have a direct, more face to face conversation. Our oldest reacted with an “Eew! That’s gross!” which sent me into chortles of laughter, but other than that, it was fine.
I’ve mentioned this several times before, but it’s so important we get to our kids before anyone else does. The world is ready and willing to teach our children everything they need to know about sex (and a plethora of other topics), but we need to push past our reservations, and talk to them first. Minimally we will be the resident expert for our children, but the goal is for them to come to us (rather than their peers or anyone else) when questions come up about sex.
The church
In the past, sex had been given such a bad wrap in the Christian church. It’s a beautiful gift from God given to a married man and woman to enjoy. But in an effort to mitigate sex outside of marriage, the church had often cast it in a shroud of unspoken or hushed conversations. Clearly, it’s been a taboo topic. But thankfully we now have several resources for parents to have those important conversations with their children. And all from a Biblical worldview.
Foundational
I’m not advocating having Sunday worship services talking about sex or anything. However, a Biblical understanding of sex is foundational. Without a clear understanding of the value and beauty of sex, we won’t be able to speak to the sanctity of life in the womb. Or the holiness of marriage. Or the immutability of gender.
If they’re home, it’s not too late!
If you feel like you’re coming at this too late, I would like to encourage you to know that if your child is at home, it’s not too late. Bottom line, no matter what age child we have, it’s ultimately our responsibility as the parent to share Biblical truth and goodness. Sure it may be more awkward and difficult if your child is older. But that’s OK.
A helpful option is to give the 3rd or 4th book in the God’s Design for Sex series for an older child to read on their own if a conversation would be overly weird. But don’t just leave it there and hope for the best. Be sure to talk to your child about what they’ve read. We must teach our kids not only what not to do, but also why we shouldn’t.
For our good, and His glory
Too often, our children may think that the LORD is holding out on us. I remember feeling that way as a child, and to be honest, I have to remind myself even now as an adult the truth of the matter.
We may know all the things we’re “not” to do as a Believer in Christ. But it helps us to remember that the “no” to something that looks great is always for our good, and His glory. And the LORD would never keep back a good gift from us for no reason. I’ve been around the block a few times, and that I know with certainty.
It’s so important that we understand that above everything else, the LORD loves us and wants us to be a Holy nation, His special possession (1 Peter 2:9). We may not feel as if His plans are good in the moment, but again, He is always working everything for our best and His glory. Understanding that, with respect to sex, is fundamentally important to understand and embrace.
God is good. His ways are best, whether or not we agree or understand. LORD, remind us of that truth, and guide us to teach that Truth to our children. Amen?
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