Simultaneous tears and joy

This weekend was a pretty big deal in our family. The oldest of the brood just flew the coop. Of course, she’s not completely gone, just working for the summer, but we won’t see her lovely smile every morning, or hear her belting out some song with her incredible voice, or chase the littles around our kitchen island. I didn’t realize how much you can be so sad and so excited for another human being at the same exact time.

I’m sad for us because we won’t be able to see her as frequently, but I am so thrilled for the others who she will be in contact with. I hope they realize what a blessing is crossing their path. I hope they appreciate the love of God that is so strong behind not only that heart of hers, but that mind.

I pray for her safety. In this crazy world we live in, sometimes my mind races down every awful scenario and I find myself terrified with all of the “what-if’s”. And then, praise God, I’m reminded that I don’t have to carry this burden. That I don’t have to be anxious for ANYTHING, but in everything I can present all my requests to the LORD (Phil 4:6). I’m guaranteed His peace. Do I always immediately feel that peace? Honestly, no. But eventually, I do.

And my prayer goes from, “LORD, keep her safe” to “LORD, keep her in Your will.” That can be such a scary proposition. I don’t want my baby to suffer at all. Ever. I don’t want her to be put into a position where she would face persecution. Or where she would be even uncomfortable. Who does?

But God reminds me again and again and again (I need a lot of reminders) that my baby is more loved only by the One Who I am entrusting her to. And I know that He is good. He may not always be fair. And He is not always the most gentle, but I know that I know that He is good. And if I know that, what in the world do I have to fear? He loves her more than I ever could.

Does anyone else have to let someone go right now? It just stinks, doesn’t it? I hate the “good-bye’s” or “see you later’s” even knowing that the best is likely yet to come. But see, that young lady is and always will be my baby. My firstborn. It’s all her fault why I ended up being a stay at home mom. Even though she was literally the biggest pain in the butt baby on the face of the planet, I loved her dearly. So dearly that when I had to leave her to be taken care of by others so that I could go to work, I physically felt like my heart would break. It made no sense, but my job all of a sudden just didn’t matter as much. I didn’t look at staying at home with such disdain anymore. The one thing I thought I would never, ever want to do, suddenly became the one thing I wanted more than anything else.

Isn’t it funny how sometimes the things you desperately long for end up losing their draw when something better comes around? Even when at first, you looked down your nose at that “other” thing. The LORD has a sense of humor. Can I hear an Amen? I’m so thankful for my paradigm shift 18 years ago. Yes, the extra money and prestige of my job would have been nice. I know I would have dressed better and not have had quite so much puke and boogers on my shirts for half of my life. But this stay at home mom gig has some serious perks. I have loved watching my daughter grow to the young woman she’s become (note: I realize that there are many moms out there that have both worked and have enjoyed raising their children and have done a wonderful job! However, staying at home is what the LORD had for me, personally, to do). I’ve loved being the one at home when she came home from school. I’ve been honored to correct and discipline her as a child. And it’s awesome to see her leave our home fully equipped to take on the world by her love of Jesus. That is fully the grace of God. I am so thankful to have had the privilege of raising my baby.

Now, I’m always going to be her Mami, but our relationship will continue to evolve to be more of friends. And I can’t think of a better one. Praise the LORD for each of my children, starting with our first. We love you so much, I-belle!

©2024 Mud Hen Mama


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