The Comparison Game
The comparison game is played all throughout our lives. If it’s not us comparing, it’s someone else. Sometimes it makes us feel like we will never measure up. And other times, it makes us feel as if we are the most amazing being ever created by our good LORD, and others need to start taking notes.
When you’re on the receiving end, and it’s not good
We all know what it’s like when someone comes across our path and looks at us in a patronizing way, as if to tell us, “What are you thinking?” or “Why in the world are you doing that?” The disdain can be very hurtful.
I remember once going to a playground with 6 of our children. I was so thankful that at the time we left the 3 oldest at home. The looks I got for daring to bring all of those children to the neighborhood playground were nasty. My kids weren’t even being crazy, but just the fact that we had such a large family was enough. “What are you thinking?” was what many of those mama’s faces said. No words were necessary. Clearly, THEY knew better and I did not.
It would have been easy for me to point the finger at those mamas and look down MY nose at them for looking down their noses at me, right? That, of course, was my knee jerk reaction. Didn’t they realize I have all of these kids and they’re the biggest blessings ever and my family is way better than theirs (so there!)? But that would only reveal my own pride.
What’s right instead of what’s easy
Rather than getting annoyed and irritated (what’s easy), I could have prayed for those mamas to embrace motherhood in all its forms (what’s right). For some, that means a small family. Others, it means a big family. But in either case (and everything in between), children are a blessing. Although some fail to appreciate that fact, we need to celebrate and love families and children, whatever the size.
“What Have You” podcast
There are two mamas that I listen to frequently that I have a lot in common with (and find myself comparing myself to). They have a podcast called, “What Have You.” There’s a lot of random back and forth banter between these two sisters. But more often than not, I find them to be interesting and very convicting (in a positive way). They also have some great mama tips as well!
If there was such a thing as professional mamas, these women would be it. They have crazy cooking skills, they sew, they garden, they homeschool, and they have a bunch of kids (I think minimum was 8). Although we DO have a lot in common, I’ve realized I will never be exactly like them. But you know what? That’s OK. I can still learn from them. When I’ve found them to be irritating, that’s when I’ve realized I’m irritated because I don’t measure up. Not even close. My thoughts would be something like, “Ugh. I don’t sew anymore” or “Aak! I really SHOULD garden.”
To be clear, I’m not going to sew (I dabbled in it years ago, and now I’m good, thank you). But I don’t need to feel bad that I’m not sewing and teaching my girls that skill. Comparison can be great for ideas, but not to beat yourself over the head with guilt. We are all called to do different things, and we don’t need to feel bad about not being convicted in the same way as others have been.
As for gardening, if it doesn’t speak to me, it dies. We have one plant that has miraculously lived for several years, but I honestly think it can’t die. When I think it’s about dead, it somehow revives. I’m convinced it will outlive me. So yeah, gardening is off the table. And that is also OK.
Only when we allow it
My point is that comparison is NOT the thief of joy. Yes, it can be hard when we compare ourselves and we fall short. But guess what? That means we can either let it go and cheer on that mama in her personal endeavors and successes. Or we can learn from her, and figure out how we can do things a little different and, dare I say, better.
And when we’re feeling good about ourselves because we perceive ourselves to be killin’ it, our natural inclinations may be to pat ourselves on the back and let everybody know how awesome we are. Or we can humbly thank the LORD for His faithfulness and goodness. We can remember that we would have nothing if not for Him. But praise His name, He is good and faithful. If we can bless others with our knowledge or skills, we should. But it’s never about us.
Another ditch
There’s a third outcome, too, when playing the comparison game. I’ve noticed that far too many mamas air out their shortcomings in the name of authenticity. They find pride in the fact that they’re OK with it. But I would argue that although we shouldn’t beat ourselves up for our shortcomings, we need to always strive to do our best in whatever the LORD calls us to do. It’s living in the tension between “be content with what the LORD has for you (Philippians 4:12–13)” while always striving towards higher goals (according to Matthew 5:48, we strive towards perfection), for His glory and our good.
At the end of the day, let us be mamas who always try our best, helping one another, and learning from each other with grace, wisdom, and truth. There are so many ways to do this! But one great way is through books! Learn from other mamas (and fathers!) who have written a few great ones HERE!
