I’m sure you all have seen the exposed affair at a Coldplay concert. Everyone was laughing, even the people who were around them. However, you could see the horror in their faces and in their reaction when they were “outed.” Ryan Helfenbein on IG said it well: “The conscience doesn’t lie.” If they would have reacted normally, and went along with their lie, no one would have ever known. However, we truly “can’t hide from sin, guilt, or shame.”
The unseen but affected
I have no idea how their families reacted, but I can only imagine. The betrayal for the entire world to see is beyond heartbreaking. But what’s telling and so disappointing is to see the number of people continuing to make fun of the situation. Two families destroyed in front of millions of people, and yet somehow our culture thinks it’s all hilarious. From baseball games mocking the pair to social media influencers creating reels making fun of cheating. When you stop and think about it, it’s so sad that it seems like the adulterous pair had more appropriate shame in the moment than the majority of people laughing at the short video or those mocking the situation.
Lies and deceit are nothing to laugh about. Real people are affected by the poor choices we make. To laugh at the deception of a wife and children at their expense is not anything we should be participating in or sharing on social media.
Thankfully, lies always have a way of surfacing, one way or another. It really is true that truth is like a balloon. You can try and shove it under water to hide it, but it will eventually rise to the top.
The alternative
As this news was breaking, I was listening to Cultural Apothecary with Alex Clark. She was interviewing Tilly Dillehay who wrote My Dear Hemlock, which is written in a similar way to Screwtape Letters, only written to women. What a contrast! While an affair that was exposed was blowing up the internet, a soft spoken pastor’s wife was being interviewed on how to be a godly wife.
I haven’t read this book yet, but it definitely got kicked up a few places on my giant list of books to read next. I appreciated a lot of Dillehay’s insights as she shared about how to live as a biblical wife.
Marriage
My husband and I have been married now over 26 years, so I resonated a lot with what she was saying. There was so much truth in her words, to be sure! But when I thought about it, a lot of what she shared reminded me of how God’s Word teaches us to treat one another in general.
Simple things such as treating our husbands with respect and remembering Matthew 18. Privately speaking to him about an offense or a disagreement, rather than in front of anyone else or your children. Or simply saying thank you and recognizing the good he is doing for the family rather than hyper focusing on his shortcomings.
Marriage is hard, but a gift when stewarded rightly. I’ve found that the LORD continually reminds me that marriage calls for each of us to die to ourselves and live for each other. Sounds great on paper, but can be so hard in practice. Especially when we think we’re right or we’ve been hurt by our spouse.
Universal truth
But something that I’m constantly reminded of, since I’m repeating it to my kids on the regular, is: “You can’t control the situation you’re in or the people around you. But you CAN control yourself and how you respond. And if you can’t control yourself, pray for Jesus to help you.” That little nugget of truth isn’t just for sibling arguments or spats between friends. That also applies in each of our marriages.
Something else to keep in mind is that I know that I’ve found I can put way too much pressure on my husband to fulfill a lot of my desires and needs. But you know what? He’s not capable of carrying that weight. And besides, it’s not his job. The LORD is the one Who is supposed to carry us through the ups and downs and twists of life. Of course, our husbands are there to walk beside us and lead us (Ephesians 5:25). But ultimately the LORD is the only One Who can carry us through life (Isaiah 40:11).
Obviously, this doesn’t apply in an abusive marriage or with a philandering spouse. Although, it always amazes me when I hear about marriages who have come back from extremely tough situations. God really does make beauty come out of ashes (Isaiah 61:3), whether that’s fixing a very broken marriage or walking us through a difficult situation for His glory and our ultimate good.
Life is hard
I’ve heard it said, it’s all hard. But we get to choose our hard. That applies in a plethora of situations in life. Whether that’s with stewarding our bodies well now or dealing with health issues later in life. It’s hard either way. Same for marriage. We can learn to die to ourselves daily treating our spouse as more important than ourselves now (Philippians 2:3), or deal with a disintegrating, hard marriage later.
I have no idea how those two unfaithful people decided it would be fine to just go ahead and do what felt good rather than what was right in the heat of the moment. But I would bet if they had healthy, strong marriages with the spouses they married (Proverbs 5:18 – 20), this never would have happened. It doesn’t take a lot to slip down the slope of infidelity. But you can guard your hearts and mind by choosing to do things God’s way rather than man’s.
Pray for those families. Especially those children affected by the sin of their parents. And let it all serve as a warning to each one of us. We’re not above that level of stupidity and selfishness. We must choose daily to do things God’s way. I love that Dillehay points us in the direction of Christ in her book. Pick one up for yourself or for any wives out there! It will certainly be a blessing.
